Faith Covenant Care Center

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The Pastoral Counseling Ministry of Faith Covenant Community Church

Located: 1912 Nebraska Avenue - Palm Harbor, Florida 34683

Suggestions For Marital Healing

Stephen A. Johnson, Ph.D., Th.D.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Ps. 51:10)"

I. FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

Willingly make a re-commitment to God and each other. This means a new reservoir of TRUST. The initial trust you brought to your wedding has been depleted. To place new trust in your mate is not easy, but ask God to give you the ability to do so.

This will mean---

1. A WILL to unselfishly give to my mate.

2. A cutting off of all past negative situations and relationships that have been

detrimental to our marriage.

3. Commencing a positive re-building relationship with my mate.

II. WILLFULLY DEVELOP AGAPE LOVE:

This love depends on the decision of my will, not feelings.

1. This is a willful selfless love, not a selfish one. It is not, what will you do for me, but

what I will do for you. It is a will to give, without any expectation of getting.

2. Acceptance of each other as valuable, before God.

3. Develop a wellspring to TRUST through daily positive reinforcement.

4. Exercise the following: Honesty, Openness, Understanding, Encouragement, and

Helps to the one I love. See I Corinthians 13.

5. Refrain from criticism, and develop the positive aspects of our marriage. Stop

bringing up the hurtful past.

6. Never take each other for granted.

7. Remember: (a) Agape love never arrives, it is always in the process of arriving. (b) the

two loves of feeling, that is, companionship and sex, will return when agape love is

willfully exercised.

III. CONTINUALLY WORKING ON THE FOUR C'S OF MARRIAGE:

1. A daily continuing COMMITMENT to the one to whom I originally committed myself

at our wedding.

2. Develop an open COMMUNICATION. This takes time and effort. It means accepting

each other's thoughts and feelings without attacking.

3. Provide for loving CONFRONTATION. See Proverbs 15:1.

4. A willingness to COMPROMISE. God never intended for us to think alike. We may

have differences of opinion, but we need to be of the same mind only in loving each

other.

IV. Read Dr. Ed Wheat's book, LOVE LIFE FOR MARRIED COUPLES.

Practice his formula: Blessing Edifying Sharing Touching

V. PRAY---Daily, that I may be sensitive to meeting my beloved's needs.

Ground Rules of Commitment for Husband & Wife in Order to Build

Communication & Relationship:

I COMMIT MYSELF TO:

1. Love you, because I need you, and I commit myself to build you up, not tear you down in our relationship.

2. Open up to you and let it all hang out, without fear of being attacked, and I will not attack you, even though we may not agree. Also, bringing up the past will not become a part of our discussion. That is past and gone.

2. Allow you to explain to me your perception of things, and then you allow me to do the same. Then together we shall seek resolution to the issue, without attacking each other, and with a willingness to compromise. Furthermore, I am willing to consider your point of view as being equal with mine.

4. Pray for and with you, asking God to give us wisdom for resolution of our situation, in a way that honors Him and is for our mutual benefit and growth.

5. Being open with you; to be Trusting, Trustworthy, Truthful, Honest, Encouraging, Helpful, Wholeheartedly accepting of you, and to continually affirm my love for you, and that you are God's gift to me.