Ephesians 6:1-4: Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise—"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The past two weeks we examined the responsibilities of the wife to submit to her husband, and the husband to love his wife as Christ so loves the church. It is apparent that God is very interested in the family unit being in proper order. Dysfunctional familes abound in today's society, because many families do not operate according to the principles of the Word of God. Many of the problems in America today are directly related to the breakdown of the family.
This week I will focus on the first four verses of Ephesians 6. In this passage Paul writes about the relationship between children and their parents.
Remember in Ephesians 5:21 Paul said, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For the family unit to be successful, then the marriage relationship must be strong. Also, I am convinced that parents must have the proper attitude of submission to their children that Paul instructed in Ephesians 5:21.
No, parents are not to obey their children, rather children are to obey their parents. However, if the parents do not have the proper Biblical attitude toward their children, then the family unit will fall well short of God's desire.
Three weeks ago when I discussed the concept of submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, I made the following points from Paul's letter to the Philippians (2:3-8 NIV):
The parent must command respect from their children. Parents must discipline their children. The Word of God is clear on that point. Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. (Proverbs 22:15 NIV)
- Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
- In humility consider others better than yourself.
- Look out for the interests of others, not just your own interests.
- Have the attittude of Jesus. He had the attitude of a servant.
- Jesus did whatever it took to help us...to the point of dying on the cross for our sins.
However, parents should have the attitude of a servant toward their children. Parents have the responsibility to obey Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (NIV)
To train up a child in God means to give your child instruction in the Word of God. It means to discipline your child according to the Word of God. But, it also means to possess an attitude of respect toward your children. They are individuals who are created in the image of God. God gave each of your children divine purpose before the foundation of the world. It is your responsibility to do everything in your power to help your child find his or her purpose in God.
Some parents treat their small children with great affection. They are so proud of their "little ones." They shower their children with gifts. They enjoy showing them off. The parents enjoy the companionship of their children. None of this in itself is wrong.
But, this is what I see. Some parents have the same attitute toward their children that they have toward their dog or their cat. For the parent it is still about "me." They treat their children as beloved pets, who are there for their own personal enjoyment.
You should enjoy your children, but if you don't see your children as individuals, created in the image of God with divinely inspired purpose, then don't have any additional children. Just buy a pet. Children are not pets...they are a divine stewardship and responsibility.
I am not an expert on raising children, but in conclusion, I want to share three suggestions about child rearing.
Require obedience from your children. From the very beginning parents must set boundaries for their children, and then enforce those boundaries. When you say "No," then mean it. Too many children today rule their parents. That is not right. You must rule your children, and if you lose control of them when they are young, then you are asking for big time problems when they are older.
- When they are young, teach them "No."
- As they grow older, teach them "Yes."
- Treat your adult children as adults.
After your child has learned what "No" means, then teach them "Yes." Years ago I heard Dr. Paul Walker, pastor emeritus of Mount Paran Church of God, say that he tried to raise his children on the word "Yes." He said that there are so many times when you have to tell your children "No," that he tried to tell them "Yes," as much as possible. I was certainly convicted by that statement, and I tried to adjust. Our Father in heaven likes to grant our requests. As much as is possible and healthy, a parent should seek to grant the requests of his children.
Respect is so vital in life. As your child becomes a teenager, begin to treat him as an adult, especially as he becomes an older teenager. So often in life, you receive what you expect to receive. If you treat your child with respect as an adult, then he will tend to act like an adult. Treat your adult child as a kid, and he will tend to act like a kid.
Yes, they will make mistakes. Unfortunately, they may not always make wise decisions. That is life, and part of the maturation process.
A parent must give his child roots and wings. He should know that you love him, and that he can always come home for counsel and comfort. But, he should also know that you are pulling for him to soar in life.
NOTE: Here are two links to some good resource material for parents by Dr. Steve Johnson. Ten Tips for Fathers, and Is Your Teen Having an Identity Crisis?
Wayne L. Williams
wayne@fotwm.org
Wisdom From the Word
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